she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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