I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's rum buckets o'clock
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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