Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
