Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
