tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
