Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
