im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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