I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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