Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize