from now on my penis is your penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
