I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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