end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
