I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize