My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
