Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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