So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
