I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
