True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
