I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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