Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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