That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
