I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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