I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
