so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god