I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life