Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.