I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
