Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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