She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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