that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
