Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
