I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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