so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
