ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
