Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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