I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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