I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
