He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
