I need help removing her.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
