We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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