somebody snuck up and got me drunk
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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