You're my little dorito
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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