I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
