I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
