I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
