Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
