Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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