so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
