don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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