I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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