I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.