Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
