Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?