Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
