Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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