its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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