My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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