No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
