Do you still have your period?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
