clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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