thus making me awesome and them whores
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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