I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
