Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
