She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
