If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My vagina is officially offended.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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