If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
