the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
