I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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