life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was so not down for the gang bang
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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