Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
