Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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