Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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