yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
