What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I cockslap morals
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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