How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
