im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
