Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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