Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
