he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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