I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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